Turned Out Nice Again

Tuesday, September 09, 2003


Mr VeryVeryBored has been considering the merits of home improvements. Reading his adventures with door-to-door salesmen reminded me of the days before I was a fully-fledged, card-carrying member of the National Union of Cynics. I was a naive new homeowner, and Mrs Rock was just "the woman I lived with".

The then Castle Rock was in need of some wardrobes - some nice fitted ones, with floor-to-ceiling mirrored doors to make the room seem bigger were in order, we reckoned. A grand should cover it, we thought (eight years or so ago), and so we set off to a showroom full of just the sort of things we were after.

It seems obvious now, but the alarm bells should have started ringing as soon as we started asking about prices. The showroom staff insisted that they couldn't give us a price, because all the units are custom-built for each customer. If we were interested, they added, the best thing would be to have a salesman call, and he could give us a quote that meets our exact needs. Even when I asked about the price of the showroom fittings, no monetary answer was forthcoming. But we fell for it, and a few days later the salesman called and spent a lot of time selling us the options, and drawing up pictures of what our room could look like. Then came the punchline - the total cost would be a mere £3000 (give or take some loose change). Embarrassed, Mrs Rock-to-be and I looked at each other, and then apologised for wasting the salesman's time. This figure was way more than we could afford, never mind what we were prepared to pay.

He thought about it for a while. How much were we thinking of?
About a thousand
, we said.
He thought some more, and then announced a special offer that his company were about to embark on - massive discounts for having two rooms done at the same time.
Sorry, it's a one bedroom house
, we said.
Well, I can still do you a discount if you recommend a friend or family member to have a room done at the same time.
Sorry again, we don't know anyone else who wants fitted wardrobes

Another thoughtful pause. Then the killer - Well, between you and me, I'll piggyback another customer on your order, and make it look as if they're your recommendation.

I should have shown him the door there and then - but I was taken in. Can you really do that?
Well, no, I shouldn't, but no-one will know. And I'll do you everything for just under £2000.


Cutting an already long story a mite shorter, we went for it. And they were good wardrobes. A bugger to clean, mind you, all that mirror, but good nonetheless. But ever since the day I signed the contract, I've wondered how much I should really have paid for those wardrobes...

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I spoke too soon. Clearly this particular complainant got so hot under the collar that it took an extra week for them to cool down enough to vent their spleen. However, this year a complaint with a difference - no reference to Tiddles, tourists or even litter. This year's complaint is that Airbourne "under the disguise of fun and amusement covers up the real purpose...which is to act as a recruiting platform for the armed forces".

Apparently the ground-based displays and stands which were represented in the local newspaper with pictures of youngsters holding guns and standing next to soldiers / sailors / airmen were merely a promotion for the military. The pictures were described by the correspondent as "sickening".

Hmm, should I be concerned by eleven-year old boys holding submachine guns? I think not. After all, if it's good enough for the Islamic Fundamentalists, then why shouldn't it be good enough for us? The youth of today have no direction, no sense of purpose, no understanding of values - doesn't the role of teenage suicide bomber answer all those shortcomings? And think of the added bonus for the country - one less youngster to find a job for, and one less strain on the state pension fund in 50-odd years time...

Ah, but I'm being flippant. Some people need to take a happy pill and relax a little. It can't be healthy being so up tight. Sure, the event promotes the military - the very military that we civilians rely on for our nation's security. And if some kids leave the event thinking that they'd like to be a part of defending our country, or helping another, then surely that's a plus. And I have to say that as one too young to remember the two World Wars, the sight of a Spitfire flypast brought a lump to the throat, and a moment of poignant reflection to the memory of those who have given their lives to allow people like me - and even those who would have Airbourne banned as a military recruitment fair - the ability to air our views, no matter how ridiculous...
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Thursday, September 04, 2003


OK, I stand corrected. I've waited nearly two weeks and not a single complaint in the Eastbourne Herald about the noise or lower life forms (that's tourists to you and me) as a result of Airbourne 2003. In fact, remarkably enough there was a letter of praise, though it was a strange letter.

It came from a couple who moved to Eastbourne last year, and who enjoyed last year's Airbourne so much they invited their grandchildren to stay for the weekend of this year's event. To set the scene, the kids were obviously entertained with a number of events, and on their return home had written thankyou letters to their grandparents, highlighting the best bits of their weekend. The elder, a 13-year old, wrote "... the fish and chips was lovely though in hindsight a large cod may have been more sating.". I'm sorry? 13-year olds do not say "more sating" - unless I've been caught in a tear in the fabric of space and time, and have slipped back into the 1930's...
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Tuesday, September 02, 2003


At long last I can acknowledge the fact that the number of hits for this slice of blogdom has reached four figures. I sometimes wondered whether it would ever happen, but thanks to someone at Kent County Council in search of information regarding young seagulls, I can relax.

10,000 hits? I reckon at current rates, that will happen around April 2nd 2008...
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